If you know me even a little bit, you know I’m a fan of Die Hard. What’s not to love? There’s explosions, gratuitous sarcasm and of course, Ka-Bruce Willis.
But, we’re here to talk nature. In the spirit of Die Hard, here are five extinct creatures that could show Bruce Willis a thing or two. And for the record, I’m not even talking about Bruce in the first Die Hard – where he’s wandering barefoot the whole film – I’m talking about Bruce in Die Hard 4. That’s the one where he drives a car off a ramp into a flying helicopter.
So yeah, these animals are pretty awesome.
THE SMILODON
The smilodon is probably one of the first guys you think of when you think of extinct animals. These pack animals were around in the late Pleistocene and were the one of the last bigtime predators before our own human ancestors came along. Their claim to fame? Eight inch canine teeth. These would deliver a devastating puncture wound through prey windpipes. Incidentally, they would also deliver nightmares to humans who came later.
ANDREWSARCHUS
This fifteen foot long monstrosity was the largest mammalian carnivore in the history of this planet. Basically, picture a massive 6 foot tall wolf with hooves. Who did Andrewsarchus become? Turns out his modern cousin is the sheep. Bahh indeed.
TYRANNOSAURUS REX
Probably the most famous of all things extinct, thanks to a certain blockbuster movie that shall remain nameless. These babies weighed about 7 tons and was over 40 feet long from teeth to tail. Although only one is famous, we’ve found 30 species of T-Rex with complete skeletons and even some soft tissue. Don’t worry, they won’t add in frog DNA and bring them back to life. Humans aren’t that silly, right?
THE IRISH DEER
Move over, Bambi – this deer meant business. Another specimen from the late Pleistocene, this deer stood about as high as a moose, but had a rack of antlers that spanned over ten-twelve feet. It lived in Eurasia and Ireland (surprise) and up until about 7,700 years ago was pretty much the King. There’s no way Bruce could escape this one, unless, say, he walked through a door frame.
MOSASAUR
Mosasaur was the most terrifying reptile to ever exist. Picture a crocodile, mixed with a Great White Shark – then add some mad growth hormones. Mosasaur was 50 feet long, with a sensitive inner ear that allowed it to perform aquatic acrobatics like no other creature. It was fast. Of course, I have to mention the teeth. These graced not only the top and bottom jaw, but also the roof of its mouth. Even Bruce Willis wouldn’t have a prayer next to the Mosasaur. In fact, if it weren’t for that asteroid that hit us, they’d still be around today. Thanks, asteroid.
Have a wild Wednesday!
