Wild Earth Integration

When I say the words “industrious real estate tycoon”, you’ll probably conjure up images of that oddly haired fellow who’s always saying “You’re fired” on national television.

Yes, Donald Trump might be awesome, but is he awesome as seen from space?

I didn’t think so.

Check this out. Scientists have discovered the world’s largest beaver dam – which sounds relatively unimpressive, until you realize the dam thing (har har) can be seen from space.

You already why beavers rock, but this dam takes architecture to the extreme. Located in Wood Buffalo National Park in Alberta, it measures 2,800 feet. To put that in perspective, that’s 8 football fields. Or, 2,800 rulers.

This slams the previous world record holder by close to 200 metres!

So, the next time you’re poring over NASA images, you can show off and pinpoint one of nature’s great marvels.

No word yet on whether the beavers are looking to expand on their franchise, but I hear Trump is in talks with them to head up his Alberta division.

Keep it wild!

Have a wild St. Patrick’s Day everybody!

It’s getting sunnier. And staying sunnier. Even as I write this, my normal winter backdrop of frosty dark morning is now replaced with a beam of sunlight in a bright blue sky.

Spring is sooo coming.

I’ve had a lot of people ask how Gerry, my resident squirrel neighbor, is doing. As you can see, Gerry has taken to napping on our back porch. This is, of course, after gorging himself on birdseed which he faithfully receives everyday.

What better way to enjoy the last of winter than with one last seasonal catnap? Sorry, squirrel nap.

I highly recommend them.

Keep it wild!

Ahh, l’amour! Love is a many splendor’d thing, love lifts us up where we belong – all you need is love! But of course, we humans aren’t the only ones searching for love. This Valentine’s Day – creatures everywhere are looking for their special someone. Who am I to stand in the way of true love?

To lend my fellow creatures a hand in their quest for their other half, I give you some of their Wild Classifieds.

Quiet, shy, traditional fellow looking for down-to-earth companion to share cabbage, long, long walks in the forest and Clark Gable movies. Won’t you be the carapace to my plastron? Apply in-shell: Stuart.

Tall, dark-eyed female looking for nice guy who smells good and doesn’t chase cars. Must love off-roading, chewing Kleenex and must NEVER hog the frisbee. Please, no bitches.

Seriously, I’m like just looking for a guy, who won’t like, try and spray me on the first date. I mean, really, that’s like totally disgusting and who wants to come home smelling like that? Are you kidding? My mother would freeeeak. Puh-leeze. Contact: Rose

Yes, hello. Is this thing on? Get a hold of yourself, minion. Hello. I am placing this ad to request aid in teaching my human a lesson. He does not prepare spaghetti to my liking and has taken to calling me ‘Trixie’ despite my obvious proclivity towards male dominant behavior. I fear, without the help of a suitable feline – his days are numbered. Respond today and together, we shall rise to the occasion and conquer the enemy. Fare thee well, biped.

Trixie, indeed. Contact: Spartacus

Holla! Lookin 4 a luvly lady to share nibbles of korn, gr8 cuddles and rollz in my plastic ball. Must B fun, Xciting and hate cats. Life is short, baby – so let’s B 4 Realz! No smokerz. Contact: JIMI4EVA

Have a wild Valentine’s Day everybody!

I’ve been tagged by the lovely Debi of Go Explore Nature for the Honest Scrap Award!

My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to give you ten facts about myself that you might not know from reading my blog. Then, I tag 7 others and they tag 7 others… you get the point.

So, if you’re not new here, you know I can be prone to bouts of digression. So this is my kind of post.

Here we go, honest scrapping away!

• I could live off iced tea. Not the ‘real’ kind – the sugary kind that comes from a mix. I know this is wrong, so I try to save my waistline by watering it down hardcore.

• I met the guy of my dreams at a wedding (cheesy). He took me to a museum on our first date. Everybody thinks I’m short because of him, but really, he’s just oddly tall. (6’7”)

• I have seen Die Hard more times than I care to count. All of them. I will also watch any movie with Robert Downey Jr.

• I have a fear of heights, but love flying. I particularly love turbulence.

• I listen to music to help me get things done. When I’m writing or sculpting, Metallica, the Blues and showtunes are key. When I’m revising or editing, classical music. When I’m relaxing, I play the ukulele and sing. I wish I could play like this guy. I like having a soundtrack to my life.

• If I hear something, I can remember it and mimic it. Because of this, I’m prone to spouting movie lines during conversation, even if it’s with an accent. Sometimes, people don’t realize it. I also have a pretty good Sean Connery impression.

• I have a scar on my pointer finger from where a deer kicked me, one on my pinkie from a piranha bite (in a petstore of all things), one on my shoulder from a porcupine and a small strip of hair missing on my scalp from an unknown source. Luckily, you can’t see it.

• Years ago, I accidentally hit one of my very best friends in the head with a baseball bat. It was during University and we were celebrating exams being over by playing baseball with stale muffins in the dark (as one does) and she just …well, walked into it. I have a pretty good follow through too, so I was surprised when she started laughing and told me to “finish up with the muffins so we could get some ice”. I still have the bat. And I still have the friend.

• I’ve been hit by lightning. I don’t recommend it, unless you want to taste your own tongue.

• When I was younger, I worked as a waitress for one day. Some guy ordered a club sandwich, called me ‘sweetheart’ and tried to grabbed me on the derriere. I quit on the spot, got a job at an animal rehab clinic and worked with animals ever since.

There you have it!

So which cheeky monkeys shall I pass the torch to? I’m thinking:

• Mel from Your Wild Child
• Marghanita from Little Humbugs
• Roy from Camping Blogger
• Crystal from Rangerous
• Sarah from Sarah Cookson
• Steve from Steve Creek Photography
• Christel from Stellar Eats
  

I look forward to your posts, folks! Happy Friday and keep it wild!

GAH!

Ok, I’ll admit it. I’m not much of a ‘winter person’. Sure I like winter as much as the next gal, but sometimes, after countless hours of staring at the gray sky and gray ground, while freezing my stuff off, one can go a little nutty. The shorter hours, curse-worthy temperatures and runny nose-sicles are just too much. Must. have. spring.

Now, I understand that some people love winter (and I am jealous of those people), and I also know that we must have winter to maintain any sort of balance in the natural world.

I’m cool with that.

But. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to show snow who’s boss every so often. Join me in the revolt and together, we can teach snow a lesson.

Here are 10 ways:

• Smush it. Yeah, go around in the biggest pair of boots you have and trample it all down. Pitch a fit and take out those winter frustrations on it. Borrow a big guy’s boots if you need to. What’s it going to do, melt?

• Paint it. If it’s going to exist, it’s going to stop being so darn cocky. Grab some water bottles, fill them with H20 and food coloring and away you go. Turn that snow into a canvas. It will wish it had just stayed up there in the clouds for sure.

• Give your dog lots of extra water, send him outside and let nature take its course. Take that! (This option also works for boyfriends/husbands, but do be careful of your neighbors.)

• Blow dry it. (It’s worth a shot.)

• Make a snowman (or entire snow family). Then, hold it hostage until Jack Frost decides to give in. Make demands, including warm weather and helicopter. Do not negotiate. Note: this might actually take awhile, so bring extra snacks and/or hot beverages.

• Pretend it isn’t there. Like a school yard bully, snow thrives on attention. It likes to know that it’s messing with your day. So one of the best ways to beat it is to just act like you can’t even see it. I recommend going outside in sandals and a Hawaiian shirt, while exclaiming ‘Lord, is this heat wave ever going to end?!’ Before you know it, snow will lose interest and wander off to some other hemisphere.

• Run around your yard lighting torches, Indiana-Jones style. If your neighbors inquire, tell them you’re teaching snow a lesson and that if they’re smart, they’ll join in too. Soon, you can have torches lit everywhere and the whole place will look like the Survivor set. Snow will have no choice but to melt already.

• Make fire from ice. This will reeeaally tick snow off, because snow’s main goal is to keep everything nice and chilly. Using your hands, you can form a lens from a chunk of ice, which you can use to direct the sun’s rays and start a fire. Snow will be so dismayed at your ingenuity and audacity, it will know you mean business. (Incidentally this can also work if you’re lost in the woods and need to start a fire sans matches.)

• Hire a guy in a suit, dark glasses and an ear piece to stare at it angrily. It will cost you a little bit of money, but it will surely make the snow uncomfortable. If you can’t afford a guy in a suit, maybe you can borrow one from  this guy.

• Teach it a lesson with music. Snow has a superiority complex – it hates to be reminded that it isn’t King. Show it your unwavering resolve by blasting this song everytime you feel like snow is winning. It will pick up on your confidence and disappear before you can say “Another dacquiri, please”. Other good alternatives are here and here.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some sandals to find…

Keep it wild!