Wild Earth Integration

GAH!

Ok, I’ll admit it. I’m not much of a ‘winter person’. Sure I like winter as much as the next gal, but sometimes, after countless hours of staring at the gray sky and gray ground, while freezing my stuff off, one can go a little nutty. The shorter hours, curse-worthy temperatures and runny nose-sicles are just too much. Must. have. spring.

Now, I understand that some people love winter (and I am jealous of those people), and I also know that we must have winter to maintain any sort of balance in the natural world.

I’m cool with that.

But. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to show snow who’s boss every so often. Join me in the revolt and together, we can teach snow a lesson.

Here are 10 ways:

• Smush it. Yeah, go around in the biggest pair of boots you have and trample it all down. Pitch a fit and take out those winter frustrations on it. Borrow a big guy’s boots if you need to. What’s it going to do, melt?

• Paint it. If it’s going to exist, it’s going to stop being so darn cocky. Grab some water bottles, fill them with H20 and food coloring and away you go. Turn that snow into a canvas. It will wish it had just stayed up there in the clouds for sure.

• Give your dog lots of extra water, send him outside and let nature take its course. Take that! (This option also works for boyfriends/husbands, but do be careful of your neighbors.)

• Blow dry it. (It’s worth a shot.)

• Make a snowman (or entire snow family). Then, hold it hostage until Jack Frost decides to give in. Make demands, including warm weather and helicopter. Do not negotiate. Note: this might actually take awhile, so bring extra snacks and/or hot beverages.

• Pretend it isn’t there. Like a school yard bully, snow thrives on attention. It likes to know that it’s messing with your day. So one of the best ways to beat it is to just act like you can’t even see it. I recommend going outside in sandals and a Hawaiian shirt, while exclaiming ‘Lord, is this heat wave ever going to end?!’ Before you know it, snow will lose interest and wander off to some other hemisphere.

• Run around your yard lighting torches, Indiana-Jones style. If your neighbors inquire, tell them you’re teaching snow a lesson and that if they’re smart, they’ll join in too. Soon, you can have torches lit everywhere and the whole place will look like the Survivor set. Snow will have no choice but to melt already.

• Make fire from ice. This will reeeaally tick snow off, because snow’s main goal is to keep everything nice and chilly. Using your hands, you can form a lens from a chunk of ice, which you can use to direct the sun’s rays and start a fire. Snow will be so dismayed at your ingenuity and audacity, it will know you mean business. (Incidentally this can also work if you’re lost in the woods and need to start a fire sans matches.)

• Hire a guy in a suit, dark glasses and an ear piece to stare at it angrily. It will cost you a little bit of money, but it will surely make the snow uncomfortable. If you can’t afford a guy in a suit, maybe you can borrow one from  this guy.

• Teach it a lesson with music. Snow has a superiority complex – it hates to be reminded that it isn’t King. Show it your unwavering resolve by blasting this song everytime you feel like snow is winning. It will pick up on your confidence and disappear before you can say “Another dacquiri, please”.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some sandals to find…

Keep it wild!